I’m trying really hard to look into every crevice of my memory, but I can’t remember any moments like this with him. I don’t remember playing games with him. Or sitting at his feet listening while he taught me anything.
But then today this happened. A simple game of Chinese Checkers. And he won. Or I should say, he won the first game. Then as I narrowly won the second game by one move, he marveled at how smart I am and that I’m a quick learner. Maybe.
These last few days have been a milestone in my life so far. It’s more than I can express,... more than I desire to on social media, quite honestly. But I do feel compelled to share some hope and encouragement, as a woman who has experienced the wound that comes from having a father that wasn’t there...
The forgiveness happened years ago. It had to. I had to. I was dying, harboring the anger and the pain. It also impacted our marriage. And just about every other close relationship I ventured into. I chose to forgive, regardless of whether or not the relationship was healed or if I ever got to have that real conversation with him that I so desperately needed.
With forgiveness came a peace and a joy that I didn’t think was possible. And then, the unexpected bonus was the gift of a father who was willing to authentically and humbly seek to do his part to repair what has been broken. From my experience, the depth of the conversations that we’ve had recently is not very common with most people, especially men. I’m blown away by his courage to really “go there”, answering each question I fired his way with honesty and transparency. Willing to be vulnerable... I know it was hard. So courageous.
There are things I can learn from this man. We can’t get back time lost, but what we have now is a gift. And I’m so grateful. Love you, Dad. ❤️
